The Ox

LOSING MY FAITH

"So, have you lost your faith?"

   The question came from a close and dearly loved relative and was in response to a long coffee conversation in which I had expressed my dissatisfaction with Christianity. And it came with a fair degree of concern. I started to reply "no of course not..." which is my standard reply when I'm trying to reassure a past colleague or church buddy. Only this time I stopped, gave the question some more thought and said "well yes, actually I have lost my faith". And I went on to explain -

Here's what I've lost faith in:

  -The Christianity I grew up with that was so certain that we were right, or most right. More right than any other expression of Christianity. That looked down on Catholics, ignored the Orthodox stream, and cast doubt on the eternal destiny of liberals. I'm sorry but to maintain that stance you have to believe that your interpretation of Scripture is superior to everyone else's. That your worship is closer to the heart of God. And that your own hearts are somehow more pure. Sorry but the jury is in - the Christianity of my upbringing (evangelical) is just as flawed as everyone else and the outcome just as pathetic in its attempt to be true to the words of Jesus, as everyone else. I've lost faith in it.

  -The view that every word in the Bible was explicitly voiced by God into the minds of people who wrote it down literally without error. And that later translators were free of all bias, thoroughly equipped in language skills, and produced a book that must be obeyed without question. I'm sorry but there only needs to be one example where a translation was influenced by culture, church or politics to make that stance untenable. I've lost my faith in that view of the Bible.

  -The Holy Spirit as some sort of saloon girl 'comforter', who is always available to tickle you under the chin and give you a great smile when you've had a tough day. I'm sorry but that's easy to believe when you've grown up in a great middle-class setting of security, safety, food, education, and health care. But spend some time in a slum or war-zone for a while and watch people crying out for relief with seeming silence as the response and you have to find a different reality for the Spirit of God. I've lost faith in that happy notion of the Spirit.

  -A Jesus on the side of the status quo, who mostly wants us to learn to behave and not rock the boat. Who wants decency and order in all things. Who is opposed to radicals and socialists, suspicious of artists and the avant-garde, and will only love the prodigals when they come to their senses. I no longer have faith in that Jesus.

  -And in a church that thinks attending on a Sunday is the primary task for their leaders to focus on, and their congregation to demonstrate healthy faith. That was the clear impression in the first 55 years of my Christian journey. I've lost my faith in it.



  So, as I told my Dad, yes I have lost my faith.