GET YOUR KIDS OUT OF CHURCH
I get to hang out with tired Christians. Lots of them. Good people. Years of passionate Christian service under their spiritual belts. Not apathetic. Not self-centred. Definitely not stupid. Mostly frustrated because their church involvement (the majority have spent all their lives in evangelical/pentecostal churches) is grinding their faith down. Full of important questions that aren’t being honoured let alone answered.
The first part of the conversations usually revolve around how frustrated they are. If I direct the dialogue towards Jesus it’s obvious they still want the wonder of who Jesus was and is, to change the way they live. But they can’t deny the frustration they feel at church. At which point I ask them why they still go. Seems a fair question to me. If we’re to take responsibility for our own faith journey (rather than blame other people) why keep going to something that’s making it worse?
The answers always involve three things. Firstly a sense that this is what God wants, based I suspect, on years of hearing a misuse of the verse “forsake not the gathering together...”, by leaders who have a vested interest in keeping people attending. I find myself asking “seriously, you believe in the kind of God who wants you to keep turning up for inane worship and mind-numbing sermons? That’s the kind of God you follow?” Sadly for most, it is. They have had years of indoctrination that God will be displeased if they stop walking in the door of his company buildings. Maybe so displeased that he’ll eject them from whatever glorious after-life heaven may be.
I understand this. It was my reality for over 50 years. A toxic and insulting view of God that slowly poisoned the reality of what God can be. Must be. If God is God he can’t be the intellectually challenged, relationally-deficient, insecure manipulator this view makes him out to be.
The second reason is 'teaching'. “We need to learn about the Christian faith so we can be better at it”. And so my next question is “and how’s that working out for you?” Those who respond honestly say that it’s not. Not answering the important questions they have. Not satisfying their search for a big story. Not filling their hearts and heads with a greater sense of wonder. Generally they find sermons and home group lessons are drilling so deep into the Bible they don't connect with real-life issues, or they are poor attempts at being hip, regurgitating what the preacher heard at the latest “passionately afire” conference.
But the third reason is the saddest of all. Because the majority of people I talk about this stuff with are parents, they say “we keep going for the kids sake, we want them to learn about God.” Say what? You want them to be propagandised into the same fear-based religious tradition that has slowly poisoned you. You want them to grow up with the same inadequate view of God? And sadly, many of them do. They feel if their kids can learn the Sunday School stories they did, go to the same church youth group activities, go forward at the same youth conference hype-sessions they did, get baptised... if they can get their kids through to the end of high school still going to church then they’ve done what God wants.
This ignores the fact that most of those kids will ditch the faith by the time they’re 20, and if they don’t by the time they are in their 30’s they’ll be exactly where their parents are – sitting in church afraid to let go, trust God, and launch out. So, for your kid’s sake, please get out!
What then you ask? That’s for another blog.
I get to hang out with tired Christians. Lots of them. Good people. Years of passionate Christian service under their spiritual belts. Not apathetic. Not self-centred. Definitely not stupid. Mostly frustrated because their church involvement (the majority have spent all their lives in evangelical/pentecostal churches) is grinding their faith down. Full of important questions that aren’t being honoured let alone answered.
The first part of the conversations usually revolve around how frustrated they are. If I direct the dialogue towards Jesus it’s obvious they still want the wonder of who Jesus was and is, to change the way they live. But they can’t deny the frustration they feel at church. At which point I ask them why they still go. Seems a fair question to me. If we’re to take responsibility for our own faith journey (rather than blame other people) why keep going to something that’s making it worse?
The answers always involve three things. Firstly a sense that this is what God wants, based I suspect, on years of hearing a misuse of the verse “forsake not the gathering together...”, by leaders who have a vested interest in keeping people attending. I find myself asking “seriously, you believe in the kind of God who wants you to keep turning up for inane worship and mind-numbing sermons? That’s the kind of God you follow?” Sadly for most, it is. They have had years of indoctrination that God will be displeased if they stop walking in the door of his company buildings. Maybe so displeased that he’ll eject them from whatever glorious after-life heaven may be.
I understand this. It was my reality for over 50 years. A toxic and insulting view of God that slowly poisoned the reality of what God can be. Must be. If God is God he can’t be the intellectually challenged, relationally-deficient, insecure manipulator this view makes him out to be.
The second reason is 'teaching'. “We need to learn about the Christian faith so we can be better at it”. And so my next question is “and how’s that working out for you?” Those who respond honestly say that it’s not. Not answering the important questions they have. Not satisfying their search for a big story. Not filling their hearts and heads with a greater sense of wonder. Generally they find sermons and home group lessons are drilling so deep into the Bible they don't connect with real-life issues, or they are poor attempts at being hip, regurgitating what the preacher heard at the latest “passionately afire” conference.
But the third reason is the saddest of all. Because the majority of people I talk about this stuff with are parents, they say “we keep going for the kids sake, we want them to learn about God.” Say what? You want them to be propagandised into the same fear-based religious tradition that has slowly poisoned you. You want them to grow up with the same inadequate view of God? And sadly, many of them do. They feel if their kids can learn the Sunday School stories they did, go to the same church youth group activities, go forward at the same youth conference hype-sessions they did, get baptised... if they can get their kids through to the end of high school still going to church then they’ve done what God wants.
This ignores the fact that most of those kids will ditch the faith by the time they’re 20, and if they don’t by the time they are in their 30’s they’ll be exactly where their parents are – sitting in church afraid to let go, trust God, and launch out. So, for your kid’s sake, please get out!
What then you ask? That’s for another blog.
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